Fear of Change

Have you ever been afraid of change?? Like having anxiety about changing the place of work or schools. Are you afraid of jumping out on faith??

Well I currently having that battle right now. I honestly don't know what to do. I have started doing things to be a teacher. I enrolled per say in Texas Teachers. I completed all the pre requisites online, training and stuff. I decided I wanted to teach Social Studies for high school. When it came to study for the test I figured that wouldn't be for me. So I decided on Early Childhood - sixth grade, generalist. Also I wanted to take Special Education exam. I PASSED both exams. YAY!

I have had 2 interviews at Elementary schools in HISD. One was for a 4th grade math teacher which I am nervous about because I am horrible in math and they have to take the STAAR test and what if they don't learn anything because I haven't taught them well. And the other position is for a 2nd teacher. Both schools are looking to hire like immediately. ugh!! But I have never taught in a classroom. I have never been alone with 22 kids at a time. I really want to practice. I have let both employers know that.

I have applied to substitute at several districts. Hoping to get on with Alief ISD, because they start at 52,800 and if I get  a SPED position I will get a stipend that will allow me to bring home even more. But both of the interviews I had were for HISD. NOOOO THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT!!! I have the orientation for subbing on Feb 15. And I have to take a test to see if I qualify for subbing. I am nervous about that because it kind of holds my fate for that district. If I can sub with this district and apply to their jobs and they see that I am active employee with in the district I will be more prone to be hired. If I fail the test and try to apply to the district, I fear that they can see and I wont be hired by the district to be a actual teacher. I think I stress so much. When I just need to take my time and take it step by step. But I cant. That is the anxiety. (frowning face)

Now it is time for me to get a job. I currently work for the state Texas for Children Protective Services. I am trying to find other employment in the school system. But I am afraid of leaving some thing that I have been doing since I graduated college. I have been a CPS worker for 4 years. And now I am switching career fields. All these thoughts have went on in my head. What if I don't like the new job. What if I am not a good teacher. What if I don't like who work with. What if I don't make more money then what I am making now. All of this goes on in my head and it makes me think that I am second guessing my movements. And I am letting the devil let me have doubts about my future.

All I know is that you have to pray about how you feeling and know that if you trust the Lord and let him guide you he wont lead you wrong. Everything will work out. I think I need to trust in the Lord and realize that I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

At the end of the day we all have doubts and fears, but we never know if the outcome will be GREAT unless we follow through and put the doubts aside.

Hope this helps someone!
xoxoxoxoxo ebby daily!